A Myth of Kindness
For those awaiting immortals and supernatural beings in our discussions about myths, never fear. We will return to them Sunday. For now, though, we need to recognize that the greatest myths we encounter are those that influence our behavior the most. These are those myths that directly affect our psyche, our self-esteem, our attitudes about life and our neighbors.
“There is no need for temples; no need for complicat3ed philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple. The philosophy is kindness.” The Dali Lama was not referring to mythology when he said those words but he could have been. Mankind erected temples to the deities created by the myths of the cultures on earth. The temples were evidence of our devotion, our faith. Today as many recover from the tragic shooting inside a church in South Caroline, a shooting for which I am relieved to report a suspect has been captured, we must recognize that those temples and our modern churches are merely edifices. They hold no real power except that which our faith affords them. They offer no protection nor can they give us life. How we live is the only thing that can do that.
The best tool for living might very well be compassion for one’s neighbor. Although compassion is not readily available nor is there an excess of it, it is far easier to have compassion for another human being or animal than for ourselves. Here we encounter a myth. The myth is that it is selfish to have compassion for ourselves. In reality, we need to take care of ourselves. Certainly a parent cannot do this to the exclusion of providing for his or her children but being healthy for ourselves is also important. Living a healthy lifestyle is not a fad; it is a necessity for life.
There is a great deal of difference between practicing a healthy lifestyle and making it a priority and indulging in personal likes. Partaking of vitamin D and simple carbohydrates in a healthy portion is maintaining a balanced diet which will result in a fit human being. Eating a gallon of ice cream which contains those vitamin D and simple carbohydrate nutrients is indulgence.
All too often many of us have an internal voice that is overly critical and seldom, if ever, compassionate. Having the same compassion for yourself that you might have for a friend is not being indulgent or egotistical. It can be productive and inspiring. Criticism that is destructive has no place in a healthy lifestyle. It is not motivating nor should it be considered such. Helpful critiques, however, can lead to better outcomes. These include noticing what was good, even if the only good thing was that you tried. Give yourself credit for the little things and the big things will no longer be an issue.
We need to befriend ourselves. Most know the exercise on Facebook of responding to a friend request. How often do we send ourselves a friend request? Once sent and accepted, how often do we use our internal voice as a friend to ourselves? Very few people would tell a friend it was their fault that the plants in their garden died during a drought. Most who garden, though, expect themselves to be able to predict the weather, control the weather, and produce the most bountiful and beautiful gardens ever imagined. We seldom place impossible expectations on our friends and yet almost always place them on ourselves.
Dr. Kristin Neff from the University of Texas at Austin talks about the myths regarding compassion in her aptly titled book, “Compassion”. She discusses the isolation that we often feel when confronted with our imperfect actions. “The important thing is to remember that we have a shared humanity. We all are flawed, we all make mistakes, we all have weaknesses.”
Psychotherapist Bobbi Emel has written a book about overcoming the imperfections we experience in life. Her book is titled “Bounce Back! 5 Keys to survive and thrive through life’s up and downs.” She offers this suggestion. “I want you to visualize this: You’re sitting on a plane and, as it begins to taxi, the flight attendant starts the safety review. You’re so used to this that you hardly hear what she’s saying. But I want you to pay attention to something she says that is very important: “Secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others with theirs.” In order to be most present and compassionate with others, you must first practice loving-kindness and compassion with yourself. Go ahead. You deserve it.”
No one race is better than another and no one person deserves more compassion than another. We are all part of the fabric of mankind. Believe in the myth that allows compassion…for yourself and for others. It is a road which will lead to a healthier and more productive life for us all.