Living a Grateful Life
Take part in a group or organization and soon you will be asked to take a personality survey. The purpose of these surveys is to discern our talents and identify other skills one has developed throughout one’s life. Most of us, if backed into a corner and asked, would probably claim we are making good use of that with which we have been given and learned and developed. I say “backed into a corner” because, honestly, nobody really wants to have to make such a personal assessment call, do we? To do so leaves open the chance we might not be using all of our skills, etc. We might be living in a lazy sort of way. We might discover we are living for ourselves instead of for others. We might not be living our faith. We might not be hospitable in our faith. We might not be living a grateful life.
People who had spent their professional careers in administration were surprised to discover that they did not rate high in their personal assessment in that area. Others were happy they scored high in leadership. The entire group was proud most scored high in hospitality. They began listing the ways in which they invite people into their place of worship and the success of such. Listening to everyone speak, not only a habit of mine but I believe also a talent I possess, it occurred to me I was not defining the terms on the survey the same way everyone else was. I also realized that there was no skillset for gratitude.
Someone in the group was relieved to discover they scored highest on leadership and was not only happy in their relief but expected it. “I like to be out front and get credit” the person explained. This is a person who is very much a hands-on, busy person and not one that simple delegates. This person is down in the trenches so to speak, getting their hands dirty and often covered in sweat. Their comment, then, was a surprise to me. We all like applause, even those that say they do not. Being appreciated is a quality we all share and we share it with others in the animal kingdom. That is why a dog wags his/her tail. There are even some plants that respond well to positive reinforcement or gratitude. There is nothing wrong with liking appreciation. Still, it is not guaranteed nor was it part of the definition of leadership.
Mindy Gibbins-Klein, the founder of REAL Thought Leaders defines leadership as “having a vision, sharing that vision and inspiring others to support your vision while creating their own.” Nothing is said about getting credit. This definition involves other people getting credit for what they do and while, they should give credit to the person who motivated them, they might not do so. Perhaps the person who wants to get credit should stop thinking about being a leader and spend more time on being a doer who works in fields that use a byline.
Every definition of leadership I found involved guiding others to work in such a way that they were given credit. Kurt Uhlir, CEO and co-founder of Sideqik summed it up best: “Too many people view management as leadership. It’s not. Leadership comes from influence, and influence can come from anyone at any level and in any role. Being open and authentic, helping to lift others up and working toward a common mission [to] build influence. True leadership comes when those around you are influenced by your life in a positive way.”
The skillset that most delighted the group taking the survey that day was that of hospitality. We think of hospitality as throwing a good party but that is not exactly how it is defined. Hospitality centers more around the relationship between host and guest rather than the event itself. A hospitable person is one who is considered generous, not necessarily a great event planner. To throw a great party or event involves an entirely different set of skills – organization, knowledge of caterers, space planning, decorating sense that accommodates the purpose for the event and not just the combination of colors, meal planning, entertainment, etc. The group at the survey event defined hospitable as opening the doors and wearing a smile…on their faces. No one mentioned how guests felt when they left or what thank you’s might have been shared.
That brings us to gratitude. How hospitable are we in expressing gratitude? Influence should include gratitude and certainly positive reinforcement does. Yet, there are very few courses about how to show gratitude. Very few surveys ask if we consider ourselves good at saying thank you or even ask how often we say to others.
We thank our friends and family and the friends of friends and perhaps the acquaintances of friends and our coworkers and their friends and family. Do we thank those we dislike? Or do we just write the instances those people have done something nice for us as oddities? Do we consider “those people” as being evil and dismiss them from our acts and words of gratitude all together?
There is an old Irish blessing that includes those we don’t like…or rather those that don’t like us. “May those who love us, love us; and those who don’t love us, may God turn their hearts; and if He doesn’t turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles so we’ll know them by their limping.” It takes a great deal of faith to pray for those we consider to be evil and yet, they are the very ones that need our hospitality.
What about thankfulness in our praying? We have all said a prayer that included the desired outcome. I am not smart enough to tell you if that is correct or not. I try to pray “Thy will be done” but I do admit that at times, I want to know what that will is. It might just be that the best outcome is not what I want. Can I truly be a real leader in my own prayer life to let that happen? Am I really that faithful?
We all have the ability to give thanks both to a Creator as well as to our neighbors and yes, even our enemies. I will leave you to ponder your own skillset when it comes to prayer. When it comes to giving thanks, we all have the ability to do that, whether it be in the form of a smile, an uttered “Thank YOU!”, or a handwritten note. There simply is no excuse for not showing gratitude.
Here is another Irish blessing. “May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been, the foresight to know where you are going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far.” We also need the hindsight to recognize who has helped us in the past. The foresight to realize there will be those who help us in the future and the insight to express our gratitude.