Can We Say “Goofed”?

Can We Say “Goofed”?

Easter 5

 

The actor Gale Gordon spent a great many hours on stage and the screen with actress Lucille Ball.  The actress had been told she could not act and encouraged to seek another career but she held fast to her dreams.  Gordon remembered her tenacity this way:  “Lucille didn’t care about messing herself up.  A lot of stars of her stature wouldn’t do physical comedy because they were afraid they’d get their hair messed up of they’d look bad.  I remember once she fell into a vat of green dye.  She came out with not only her hair green but everything was green!”

 

Fear of failure often detracts us from being mindful of the moment.  Every failure is a lesson if we would but look at it that way.  Wayne Dyer speaks to this.  “Life is all about learning and one of the most memorable ways of learning something is by messing up.”

 

Being mindful means being aware and that includes being able to admit when we make a mistake.  As far as I know, no one ever died from admitting they goofed.  To be certain, some mistakes can result in death and such a tragic consequence is a lesson we all need to remember. 

 

What about the everyday mistakes we make?  We need to acknowledge our shortcomings, learn from them, and then grow from them.  Life is too short to wallow in self-pity or bemoan being human.  Life is too precious not to make it be the very best we possibly can.

 

Ralph Waldo Emerson has a great approach regarding the subject of our inevitable messing up and goofs.  “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

 

Tonight I will go to bed giving thanks for the day I lived.  It will have included some goofs but also some smiles, some tears but also opportunity for joy, some escaped opportunity but also a chance to learn.  Hopefully, you will also be mindful of the entirety of your day and be thankful for the chance to have lived it.

For the Minute

For the Minute

Easter 4

 

There is an irony in the fact that, as I am writing about being mindful, the art of being actively engaged in the moment we are living, I have to take a time out.  Life is messy and the past week was… well, quite messy.  There was simply no time to meditate.  We’ve all had those days, right?  Where, for each minute, we really need another sixty.  So how can we be in the moment when there are so many things vying for our attention?

 

What if it was possible to be mindful in less than sixty seconds?  Dr. Alice Boyles offers some tips of how to practice mindfulness in less than one minute.  First, she suggests, as we are eating, we should practice mindfulness but instead of attempting to do mindful eating all the time, “try mindful eating for the first two bites of any meal or snack.  For the first two bites of any meal or snack you eat, pay attention to the sensory experiences – the texture, taste, smell, and appearance of the food, and the sounds when you bite into your food.  You don’t need to savor per se, you’re just paying attention to your sensory experience in an experiential rather than evaluative way.”

 

Next she has an idea about something we all do – breathing.  “Instead of formal meditation, try paying attention to what one breath feels like.  Feel the sensations of one breath flowing into and out from your body. Notice the sensations in your nostrils, your shoulders, your rib cage, your belly etc.”  I tried this on an elevator.  It was a new elevator and I was only going up four floors but that gave me enough time to pay attention to one breath.  It also helped calm my usually jittery feelings about being in an elevator.

 

Some of her other tips include just being and giving your brain a minute vacation instead of trying to catch up on one’s email.  We all tend to take those few minutes of nothing to do just that.  Instead, she suggests, we should give our brain a break and simply be in the moment.  Trust me, the emails will still be there and you will probably feel more included to answer them later.

 

Another mindfulness practice in less than one minute is to simply focus on the feeling of air upon our skin.  Dr. Boyles explains that this allows one to “practice being in experiential processing mode (as opposed to evaluative “judging” mode, which is our default.”  We can also do a mental body scan and think about how we feel.  Don’t just focus on the aches and pains, though.  Include some positive feelings as well.  If you do have some negative feelings, try to soften or improve them.  Scanning for feelings of comfort gives one a sense of well-being and that is also calming.

 

My favorite piece of advice is to practice mindfulness on something you tend to do out of habit, some little something you do every day.  For instance, if you take a printed newspaper, slowly and mindfully open it.  If you drink a hot beverage in the morning, deliberately think about getting the cup out of the cabinet, pouring the liquid into the cup, smelling the beverage and then slowly sipping it.

 

Life is far too precious to waste any of it and by practice mindfulness, we are attuned to the beauty of our living.  Mindfulness enables us to observe our thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.

Come to the Party!

Come to the Party!

Easter 3

 

“Life is kind of like a party. You invite a lot of people, some leave early, some stay all night, some laugh with you, some laugh at you, and some show up late. But in the end, after the fun, there are a few who stay to help you clean up the mess. And most of the time they aren’t even the ones who made the mess. These people are your real friends. They are the ones who matter most.”  This anonymous quote offers some good advice about friendship but does it only refer to the friendship of others or can we also use it internally in being a friend to one’s self?

 

James Baraz once wrote that “Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).”  Amit Ray describes it this way:  “If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.”

 

This series is on mindfulness and how we can utilize what we know from our past and what we see in our present to construct a brighter future.  It means accepting what has been, being aware of what is, and then create positive expectations about what might come.

 

Our life is a gift and our living is the party for that gift.  We tend to think of parties as perfect moments in time but really, parties are a great deal of work, require both planning and clean-up, and guests are both a blessing and, sometimes, a trial.  There is always someone a little too loud and every party and that person who tends to sit in a corner and just stare.  Generally, parties are a great deal of fun and we think of them fondly because we see the big picture and do not spend our time nit-picking our memories looking for the negative.

 

When we approach our living as a party, we will do the planning (hopefully!) and there will be clean-up.  Some days will be a little too much, like the loud party guest and other days will leave us feeling left out like the wallflower at a dance.  What remains are life lessons and those people who travel the journey with us are our true friends.  We need to make sure that we befriend ourselves as well.  Too often people are mere acquaintances with their true self instead of close friend.

 

“In the end,’ according to Jack Kornfield, “just three things matter: How well we have lived; how well we have loved; how well we have learned to let go.”  Mother Teresa offered this advice on living mindfully:  ““Be happy in the moment, that’s enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.”

 

 

Present and Accounted For

Present and Accounted For

Easter 2

 

Most of us began our childhood days in school by answering to a roll call.  A teacher would call out our name and we would answer “Here”.  Then the teacher would send a note to the office or record in the roll book that all were “present and accounted for”.  A teacher needed to keep track, especially since school attendance is compulsory in many areas.  Knowing that your child is safe inside the halls of academia is also a good feeling for the parents.  It does, however, set up expectations for us that perhaps go too far.

 

First, in today’s world, school is not always a safe haven.  Young girls are abducted by fanatical groups who see strong women as a threat and educating girls as the first step in creating strong women.  Mental health issues unaddressed have also been at the heart of most school shootings and have resulted in many school now spending as much on security as they do on textbooks.

 

Taking attendance at school is not a bad thing and school security has been important for over forty years.  The problem comes when we expect our life to be as clear and simple as taking attendance.  Just showing up is important but as we go through our living, are we truly “present” or do we just go through the motions?

 

If we are to really live what we learned during our Lenten series, we must be mindful of our living.  We must be present each hour and not just go through the motions.  All too often we awake dreading the day.  Life is not always fair.  There is no getting around that basic fact.  There will always be someone who appears prettier, has more toys, gets ahead in what seems like an easier and faster career projector.  Life is messy and, at times, unfair.  It can still be good, nonetheless.

 

Instead of waking up thinking of all the things you “have to” do that day, why not open your eyes and marvel in those things that you “get” to do?  You have to get up early and go to work?  Rejoice that you have a job; not everyone does.  You have to clean house; be grateful you have a house.  Someone made fun of your religious head covering?  It is always wrong for someone to bully another based upon religious or spiritual preferences but give thanks that you are strong and secure enough in your faith to wear it in public because not everyone is or can.

 

Life is not always fair but it is always good and a blessing to live.  Hopefully in these fifty days of Easter we will explore the many things we get to do in our living.  I hope today you will be mindful of those blessings and present as you do them.  Life is the greatest gift of all and we get to experience it each and every day.  When we are truly mindful of that, then we are not only present, we are able to recognize and account for the beauty that life can be.

In-Between to Birth

In-Between to Birth

Easter 1

 

For almost a month, I joined millions in watching the live feed from an animal park in New York state.  A giraffe was due to give birth and the world seemed fascinated.  There were various feeds one could follow and several offered advertising with proceeds in the form of pet supplies and food being given to local animal shelters.  I happily participated in making my watching count.

 

There were those, however, who felt it all a great deal of nonsense.  “Get a life” was the most common negative comment seen.  Some readily admitted to watching in-between commuting and so felt they were not for whom such comments were directed.  Others felt they were being mindful to the miracle of birth.  I claim to be a part of neither camp.  I watched because I find giraffes fascinating creatures.  I do wonder at their evolution and creation for they seem to be a bit in-between the larger mammals and the delicate faces of the smaller ones.

 

The Rt Rev Steven Charleston recently made a comment about our being “in-between”.  Yesterday, as I was watching the birth of the giraffe calf so many had eagerly awaited, He posted this:  We are in-between. Right now, we are in-between Good Friday and Easter Sunday. But in reality we are always in-between in life. In-between is where we live and move and make our reality. We go from birth to death between many polarities: health and illness, joy and sadness, hope and despair. We inhabit these spiritual spaces of transition, constantly moving from one level of experience to the next. It is in the in-between that we discover the presence of the sacred, that creative force that helps us transition and adapt. We are the people of the in-between.”

 

Watching the young calf be born, along with millions around the world, I realized that we were all in-between and teetering on the edge of something very similar to world peace.  This young calf and his two giraffe parents had united millions around the world, something no politician or political party had ever been able to accomplish.  As we spent time in the in-between of a fifteen-month pregnancy and its culmination in birth, we were all feeling hope and fear, joy and wonderment.

 

Being mindful of our living is something we often fail to experience.  The reality of this birth was beautiful.  As the calf slowly edge his way out, the mother would welcome him with her tongue and kisses.  It was as if she realized her calf’s reality was changing drastically and she wanted to encourage him and comfort him that all would be all right. 

 

Our blog series this Easter season will be on mindfulness.  I hope this period will bring you joy and enlightenment in your living.  Life is all around us and while we need to spend less of it online and more of it in person, we can learn from all aspects of it.  Today is a new day and our reality, much like the new giraffe calf’s has changed.  Let us give thanks for this new day and recognize the new life ahead of us all.

Scavenger Hunt

Scavenger Hunt

Lent 46

 

Debra Wise defines a scavenger hunt as “a party game in which the organizers prepare a list defining specific items, which the participants seek to gather or complete all items on the list, usually without purchasing them.”  This weekend I did my own abbreviated type of scavenger hunt trying to resolve some technical issues; hence, the delayed posting of this post.

 

The word scavenger is an interesting one.  The word “scavenger” is an alteration of  the word “scavager”, which came from the Middle English ”skawager”  which meant “customs collector”.  However, its etymology can also be traced from the Middle English “skawage” meaning “customs”, the  Old North French “escauwage” meaning “inspection” and the Germanic “schauwer” meaning  “inspect”. It is also perhaps closely derived from the Old English “scēawian” and German “schauen” words meaning “to look at”, and modern English “show” (with semantic drift).

 

In olden times a scavenger was someone paid to clean the streets but in more modern usage the word refers to one who searches for and collects discarded items.  In chemistry, though, a scavenger is a substance that reacts with and removes particular molecules, groups, etc.

 

We never hear Lent described as a scavenging season and yet, I am offering the notion that perhaps it is.  Lent is a time to seek out that which we can and should eliminate or reduce in our living as well as a period in which we are encouraged to collect better habits.  We have spent this Lenten series doing just that as life relates to the Beatitudes so in this the last post of the series, let’s scavenge a recap.

 

One of the weakest links and most dangerous threats to our living successfully is our own ego.  It is when we feel depressed or worried that we lose that false image and allow others and our spirituality to help us.  Being poor in our ego or spirit often gives us to learn from others and live a fuller life.  The same is true for when we grieve.  Most of us would prefer to offer compassion than receive it because we feel in control when we offer it.  Being on the receiving end sometimes makes us feel weak but it should not because then we become stronger by fully being part of humanity.

 

The humble and meek are usually much more content with their daily lives than those trying to pretend they have everything… or should have everything.  When we are content, we are better able to help others and live more productively and efficiently.  Those who want justice and righteousness, who work for it daily are the people who make a difference in this world.  They are also the people who not only give care to others, they receive it.  These are the people whose inside voice matches their outside actions and that brings about personal and external peace.  “You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete and fight.  That’s when you discover who you really are and your place.”  I really like that quote from the Message Bible.  As I have said before, life is a pace, not a race.

 

While the Beatitudes are from the New Testament, they do not only apply to Christians.  They offer us all good advice on how to find the pearls of wisdom that life offers us each and every day.  All we have to do is go on a scavenger hunt for life!

The Long Walk Home

The Long Walk Home

Lent 44-45

 

Lent is traditionally thought of as a period of forty days and forty nights.  This year, because the date for Easter is the Sunday after the first full moon after the Spring Vernal Equinox, we have six extra days.  It is as if Mother Nature decided we needed some extra time.  Most of us go through life begging for more time, wishing a day had a few extra hours.  Thus this Lenten season begs the question:  Did you use your extra time wisely this year?

 

This Lenten series has been about how we respond to life and I used the eight verses of the Beatitudes as both prompts and lessons for doing so.  In deciding how to spend one’s time and in retrospect, if our time was used wisely and efficiently, productive not only for the present but as a prelude to the future, we need to really consider the words of the Beatitudes.  They offer truth as well as encouragement.

 

I have also used the analogy that our life is something like a treasure hunt, an adventure in which we seek the best we can obtain – happiness and joy.  If we are authentic about our reasons for our actions and our purposes, we must admit that the ultimate quest is one for contentment and delight.  In our careers, our hobbies, and even our mates, we seek that which brings us pleasure and amusement, giving reason to the humdrum necessities of life.

 

Google executive Mo Gawdat seemed to have it all and yet, he was not happy.  He set about to find real happiness and recently gave an interview about his search.  He used the common analogy we have all heard:  Is the glass half full or half empty?  Gawdat believes “Happiness is looking at the glass and seeing the truth of the glass.”  He goes on to explain that we need to recognize that glass as being half full and be grateful for that.  Then, he continues, we need to see the half empty portion and ask what we can do about it.  “True happiness is not about what the world gives you.  It is about what you think about what the world gives you.” 

 

Happiness is equal to or greater than the expectations of one’s life and the reality of it.  We sometimes believe life should behave a certain way and if it doesn’t, then we become unhappy.  Life is not always fun, Gawdat believes.  Fun is when we accept our life and are happy.  We achieve happiness when we accept the life we have at that moment and feel at peace about it.

 

Many people reading this are going to say “Well, yeah, easy for an executive to talk about accepting life.”  Mo Gawdat came to this realization the day he went from having a delightful family vacation to his son dying, a time span of four hours.  He went from fun to the harshest life had to offer in four brief hours, one-sixth of a day’s span.  How was he ever going make that long journey home and find normalcy ever again?

 

The Beatitudes do not offer us a perfect life.  They offer us a way to find the peace and happiness Mo Gawdat spoke about and encouraged us to seek.  For Christians, today is Maundy Thursday and tomorrow is Good Friday, a day in which their hero was tortured and left to die, crucified in front of his mother and followers, one who had betrayed him and another who had denied knowing him.  There is no joy in the events of this Thursday and Friday remembered and yet, without them, the rest of the living of this hero’s purpose would not have been possible.

 

The long way home for Mo Gawdat was not an easy one but he says that each day gets a little bit better.  The secret to happiness, he believes, is to accept where we are at the moment and move forward at peace.  “I can either chose to suffer, or I can choose to sort of accept life as harsh as it has become and reset, make that the zero-point and try to make that slightly better than it is today, and slightly better tomorrow…  “Happiness is not about what the world gives you – happiness is what you think about what the world gives you.”

 

As we make that long walk home from whatever we have encountered today, we can choose what to think about what life has given us.  We can reset for tomorrow and vow to make it better or we can crawl in a hole and let the tides of life drown us.  Make whatever thorns came your way today a crown of success for tomorrow or at least, a first step towards a better future.  You alone are the only one that can take that step for yourself.  Sometimes smiling and being nice is the best way to run the race of life.  And then, to quote the Moody Blues, “When all the stars have fallen down into the sea and onto the ground, and angry voices carry on the wind, a beam of light will fill your head and you’ll remember what’s been said by all the good men this world has ever known.”

 

 

Come to the Party!

Come to the Party

Lent 41-43

 

Our lives are like a puzzle.  Each day, each event, each sorrow, each joy – all are pieces of this puzzle we call our life.  Sorting out the pieces would be an impossible task if we encountered them all at once.  Fortunately, each piece is revealed much like a treasure map or the clues on a scavenger hunt.

 

During this series we have been discussing life from the viewpoint of the Beatitudes.  Someone asked me to summarize this series in one sentence.  My answer is a quote from Marty Rubin:  “Drink freely the wine life offers you and don’t worry how much you spill.”

 

We need to celebrate being alive.  All too often we find ourselves competing with others.  Life is not a race; it is a pace.  We should spend our time realizing that our being is a gift and celebrate the party that is our life.  So if we are going to consider our lives a party, how do we live that?

 

Every good party planner will tell you that the first step in having a successful party is the invitation list.  Most of us do not have the ability to control everyone who enters our life.  We can and should make sure that we ourselves come to the party that is our life.  We need to be present in our living.  Kevyn Aucoin explains how to do this.  “Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.”

 

Next in party planning comes the actual planning.  We need to awaken and give thanks for having done so.  Then we need to proceed with a purpose, a plan if you will on our living.  This might include some religious or spiritual aspects but it certainly must involve respect and compassion as well as courtesy toward others.  Essential to every good party is lining up any needed help.  No one goes through life without some help from another.  We need to be confident and reach out to others for assistance.  There is no shame and everything to gain when we recognize this.

 

Crucial to a celebration is having the space to celebrate.  Whether the party is at home or at a rented venue, clearing out space to gather and be merry.  The same is true for our lives.  We need to take the time to declutter, both literally and figuratively.  Next on my to-do list for a successful party is the item “set the stage”.  All too often we forget to set ourselves up for success.  Whether it is by getting the proper education and training or simply putting on a happy face and having a positive attitude, we need to prepare to be the best we possibly can.

 

This week is celebrated by Christians as the last big party and the sentencing and crucifixion of the man known as Jesus.  This year, Jewish people are also celebrating Passover this week, a time of great meaning for them.   In their own way, both holidays celebrate freedom and atonement.  They remind us to forgive ourselves and to forgive others.  To fail to do so is to deny one the joy of living.

 

One of my favorite life quotes is one said by Auliq Ice:  “Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it doesn’t stop the rain but allows us to keep going.”  I think in their own way, the Beatitudes tell us the same thing.  We will encounter negativity in our lives.  That is inevitable.  However, with faith and determination as our windshield wipers, we can use them as lessons to keep going and celebrate the living our life is.  When we decide to come to the party of life, great things are bound to happen and we will truly be free to find joy in our being.

 

 

 

Forever Young

Forever Young

Lent 40

 

Time stopped yesterday for many people.  For those victims of yesterday’s bombings in Egyptian churches, the growth of their lives has forever been halted.  There was no reason for their deaths.  They did not as anything other than they lived – regular people going about regular jobs.  They posed no specific threat and there was no great gain from their deaths.  Their deaths were the very definition of the term “senseless killings”.  Their death diminished the humanity of the human race and made those responsible less than human.

 

In a new cantata written for this time of the liturgical season, famed country singer/songwriter Marcus Hummon hit all the right notes.  Known in Nashville, TN, the country music capitol of the world, for such hits as “God Bless the Broken Road”, Marcus has created a beautiful choral piece entitled “The Passion”.  The accompanying book contains commentary on each section of the cantata and was written by Hummon and his wife, Reverend Becca Stevens.

 

One song in this striking cantata is entitled “Outliving the Child” and the lyrics speak to the casualties from the faithful attending their church yesterday.  First, though, we should recognize that the religious places targeted posed no threat to anyone.  The Coptic Christian faith encourages tolerance for all, humanitarian behavior.   There was nothing gained by these killings, neither religious nor political.  These deaths were truly without reason, the result of psychotic and fearful cowards having too much ammunition and mind control over non-thinking followers.

 

“He will be forever young in my eyes.  He will be forever laughing in the fields.”  This line from Hummon’s piece “Outliving the Child” explains the feelings the parents of yesterday’s victims will feel every day upon waking.

 

It is far too easy to call someone evil and claim they are an enemy.  Any coward can do that.  What takes courage and dedication and true commitment is to live a life of goodness and kindness.  This is not the first time those of this faith have been targeted.  Two years ago Pope Francis said prayers for such victims.  Last December another attack killed twenty-five people.  Sadly history is repeating itself with the attack on April 9th killing thirty-six and injuring more than one hundred.

 

People die every day.  I realize that.  My question to you is this:  How are you living today?  Is it with joy and compassion?  The cosmetic industry makes millions of dollars each year with people trying to stay young.  Salves, creams, procedures are all part of the quest to stay forever youthful. 

 

Murder should never be an acceptable way for someone to stay forever young.  Yes death is part of the life cycle but murder is not.  Yesterday’s bombings were not a religious quest.  They were murder.  No one political platform can ever be considered successful if it comes drenched in the blood of innocent people.

 

My heartfelt sympathies go out to the victims’ families and my hopes are that those responsible have their hearts transformed.  After all, the only true legacy is the one we leave based upon our actions and the number of people we helped live more successfully.  The best way our legacy can stay alive is to make the world a better place, not a bigger cemetery. 

 

 

Reflections

Reflections

Lent 38-39

 

Last year during Lent we discussed self-worth and then morphed into self-love.  For many there is no difference between the two.  In reality, unless we first love ourselves, we have no true self-worth.  Yesterday I gave you a quote from Harper Lee about the value of reading:  “Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read.  One does not love breathing.”

 

Breathing is an essential part of our living.  Without it, we have no life.  Harper Lee was correct, though, because we often overlook it.  It is so much a part of our living that we forget its importance.  Self-worth is much the same way.  Until we love ourselves, we do not allow ourselves value.

 

C. Joybell C. is an author, writer, and community developer.  She also sits on the board of the Scientific Journal editorial board.  A native of Baltimore, Maryland, she also is excellent at keeping the focus off of herself and very much on her work.  She is, I believe, a great example of someone who values herself and her work and knows the difference between the two.  “Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you.  What’s important to me is not others’ opinions of me, but what’s important to me is my opinion of myself.”

 

This coming week we are going back to our roots, so to speak.  This series is about cultivating a better self, growing a better being.  In the coming week we are going to focus on our self-worth and how we implement the self-love we hopefully planted this past week.  One of the best writers on this subject is Shannon Adler.

 

Shannon Adler is not some great scholar or a cosmopolitan literaturist from a distant continent.  She is a regular woman with the same challenges in life we all face.  What is so great about her is her ability to make lemonade from life’s lemons.  She knows her self-worth and that gives her the courage to see beyond the hurdle and stay on track.

 

What I have described as self-worth, Adler would probably call dignity.  She has quite a few definitions for this:  “1. The moment you realize that the person you cared for has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you, but a headache.  2. The moment you realize God had greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or sad Pinterest quotes.  3. The moment you stop comparing yourself to others because it undermines your worth, education and your parent’s wisdom.  4. The moment you live your dreams, not because of what it will prove or get you, but because that is all you want to do. People’s opinions don’t matter.   5. The moment you realize that no one is your enemy, except yourself. 
6. The moment you realize that you can have everything you want in life. However, it takes timing, the right heart, the right actions, the right passion and a willingness to risk it all. If it is not yours, it is because you really didn’t want it, need it or God prevented it.   7. The moment you realize the ghost of your ancestors stood between you and the person you loved. They really don’t want you mucking up the family line with someone that acts anything less than honorable.  8. The moment you realize that happiness was never about getting a person. They are only a helpmate towards achieving your life mission.  9. The moment you believe that love is not about losing or winning. It is just a few moments in time, followed by an eternity of situations to grow from.  10. The moment you realize that you were always the right person. Only ignorant people walk away from greatness.”

 

Self-worth is not something we can purchase, no matter how many times we try.  It is not the latest fashion or snazziest vehicle.  It is neither the biggest house nor the most friends on Facebook.  It is not even guaranteed if you repost that blurb on Facebook or Twitter or share your latest and best snaps on Instagram.  It is, as Adler says, “the moment you realize that you were always the right person”, that “happiness was never about getting a person”, and that “no one is your enemy, except yourself”.

 

What do you see when you look in the mirror?  I did not ask what do you think you should see but what DO you see?  I think selfies are so popular because we are striving to see ourselves from the eyes of another.  We seek to see what the objective eye of the camera sees.  Of course, we are interpreting that vision through our own eyes so it still is blurred but we continue to try, taking picture after picture.

 

I recently came across a picture of our family pet when said pet was just a tiny baby.  It was his first day with our family and the picture was taken at the pet store as we purchased the necessary items to become his caregivers.  “Goodness!” I thought.  “If I had known I looked like that, I never would have walked out of the house!”  Needless to say, I thought I looked less than desirable.  Yet, we had been approached by an animal rescue group, an international group, to adopt said pet.  Clearly, regardless how horrible I thought I looked, someone thought I looked caring and responsible.

 

Perception is everything when we view a reflection of ourselves.  “You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away.”  C. Joybell C. speaks a great truth in these statements.  “It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.”

 

Writer Elizabeth Gilbert makes an important point that we often forget:  “never forget that, once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you saw yourself as a friend.”  For most of us that time was when we were children.  Children have this undoubting talent for embracing life, embracing passion, and finding joy.  We need to tap into that part of ourselves we think we have outgrown and embrace it, reflecting a zest for life and ourselves.

 

“Let’s tell the truth to people. When people ask, ‘How are you?’ have the nerve sometimes to answer truthfully. You must know, however, that people will start avoiding you because, they, too, have knees that pain them and heads that hurt and they don’t want to know about yours. But think of it this way: If people avoid you, you will have more time to meditate and do fine research on a cure for whatever truly afflicts you.”  This advice, written by Maya Angelou in her “Letter to My Daughter”, is right on track but very hard to do. 

 

The Beatitudes help us look at ourselves from not only the past and present standpoint but also give us a line of vision into the future.  We can recognize and accept where we came from and where we are in the present moment and be assured that the future will be better because of everything we have experienced.

 

Value yourself to live honestly and realize that if someone doesn’t share the value you bring to the world, you probably do not need them in your orbit.  Be yourself – honestly and joyously.  You have value.  You are worth having value.  Most importantly, in the words of Malcolm X, “We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.”