The Guilt of Missed Connections

The Guilt of Missed Connections

June 19, 2018

Pentecost 2018

 

Today I saw a neighbor at the local branch library.  She mentioned that the husband of another neighbor had passed away two months ago.  The couple in question had just purchased a house on our street and had not even moved in a great deal of furniture.  It was still very sad to think that we had all seen this woman walking her dog each morning and had never really connected.  If not for a family member who lived in the next block we would never had known of the death of her spouse, a man who had only visited their new home once since its purchase.

 

When is the last time you looked at your Facebook friends list?  I mean, really looked at it and thought about each name listed.  We all have those friends whose name does not ring a bell.  “Who is this?” we wonder.  “How did I become friends with them?”  I am as guilty as anyone else in sometimes answering a friend request in the affirmative just because… it is late or you vaguely recall someone by that name having been a coworker or perhaps a classmate from decades ago.

 

Recently a post came up from someone whose name I did not remember at all.  No inkling tickled my memory whatsoever.  Curious and with some time to spare, I clicked on their profile.  The post was not something with which I disagreed, quite the opposite in fact.  Still, I really expected I would have remembered someone so insightful and yet, I did not; hence, the clicking on their profile to try to remember who they were.

 

I saw that we had did indeed have some friends in common, friends with whom I had gone to school and so I quickly determined this had to be someone I had known although not as best of pals or anything.  Then a posting on their timeline caught my eye.  It went something like this:  Recently a neighbor caught my eye.  (This is in quotations but it is NOT an exact quote.)  “A slender, attractive neighbor attracted my attention yesterday and, emboldened by a twinkle in her eye, I ventured to start a conversation.”

 

The ensuing description of their first meeting was sweet and did indeed lead to other meetings.  My forgotten friend offered to help with some yardwork and carrying her groceries inside, favors which were rewarded by a banana or some chocolate chip cookies on a table by his front door mailbox.  The somewhat intimate and yet innocent activities took up an entire paragraph and were, as I’ve described before very sweet and touching.

 

You can understand then my surprise when the next paragraph began with my friend confessing how guilty he felt.  Instantly angered at some unknown act of treason against this woman, I was completely caught off guard by his next sentence.  “Here I had lived next door to this delightful and yet frail ninety-six-year-old woman without ever noticing her for several years.”

 

The posting about this neighbor went on to encourage us all to take note of the elderly around us.  My friend explained how most recently the woman contracted a cold and he was her only contact for several weeks with the outside world.  Her spouse was long deceased as were most of her friends.  Childless, she was living an almost invisible life… invisible that is until a neighbor happened to notice a brief smile and a twinkle in her eyes.

 

We all hurry through our lives when we need to stop and take stock of the world around us.  How many times have we passed by someone without noticing them?  How often do we hasten to explain how we are feeling or what we doing without asking about how a friend is doing?  How much energy and time would it take to share a smile with those we pass in our daily walk of life?  We all live on this planet together and if we ask others to share our lives, we should be willing to share theirs. 

 

We are all guilty of being ego-focused.  We need to recognize that the best life is one lived in harmony with not only nature but also each other and to do that, we must see them.  We need a line of sight that includes others, not just ourselves.  Then we will be open to the real beauty of the world and the ordinary of our environment will become extraordinary.

 

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A Profitable Treasure Hunt

A Profitable Treasure Hunt

June 12, 2018

Pentecost 2018

 

Going to school and writing papers has never been easier with the availability of research options that can be found on the Internet.    Many of us spend the minutes playing a game on our smart phones or tablets.  Why not use that time to raise money for a great charity?

 

SEO is a term you have seen if you spend any time on the Internet.  It is an acronym that stands for Search Engine Optimization or the fastest way to find something.  Anyone who has used the Internet has probably utilized an SEO at some point.  In fact, unless you only open your Internet browser when you have the website address you are going to, you have used an SEO.  Some of the more common ones are Google, Yahoo, Bing….”Oh, yeah, I’ve done that” you’re thinking.

 

Search Engines make money by showing advertisements on either the left or right side of the webpage.  They then donate at least thirty to seventy percent of the advertising revenue to a specific charity.  Revenue is generated when someone clicks on the advertisement.  So you can sit back on your public transportation or car pool and search while you help a charity fill their coffers, making optimal use of your commute and feeling good about yourself.  Talk about a win-win situation!  The following are just a few of the search engines that donate money to charitable organizations. 

 

Sleio is a search engine that will let you designate which charity you would like to assist or, in other words, you get pick that they will donate the revenue you generate by click on the advertisement.  Some of their options are UNICEF and Khan Academy but there are others.

 

Ecosia is a website search engine that promotes tree planting in Brazil with eighty percent of ad revenue being donated.  By mid-2014 over two hundred thousand users had donated over six hundred thousand trees that were planted in Brazil. 

 

Everyclick is a great SEO for Anglophiles because it allows those who click to assist over two hundred thousand charities in the United Kingdom.  Simply Do Good is both a search and a shopping website that assists over one hundred thousand schools and nonprofits.  Helpuu is a Google-powered “helping website” that donates money to such charities as Feed the Children and the American Red Cross.

 

Envirosearch.org not only lets you search but also save the planet in your searching.  Just Go Search is a Yahoo search engine that donates its revenue to charities in the United Kingdom.  Freelanthropy is another Yahoo-powered SEO that shares its advertising revenue with schools, churches, shelters, scouts, environmental causes, and other nonprofits.  The Ronald McDonald House Charities are just one of the helping charities that benefits from this search engine.

 

We all look for things.  It is part of human nature to be curious.  We all also usually spend time waiting, whether it is on a commute or in a doctor’s office, train station, airport or maybe just waiting for someone to get ready to go out.  Who knew you could look for the best price on a new outfit and at the same time help provide a meal to a hungry child?  Make that search count for something and help good working charities obtain the funding they need by using one of these SEO’s.    Your looking online can mean the world, or at least a meal or a new pair of shoes, to a hungry child.

 

 

Cleansing Waters

Cleansing Waters

May 28, 2018

Pentecost 2018

 

We often think of water as a cleansing agent.  Children are taught to wash their hands before eating.  Clothes are washed in water to clean them.  Tables and counters are often wiped down between usages.  And yet, water accounts for some of the world’s most deadly diseases.  To be sure, it is not only the water that causes these illnesses but the bacteria carried in the water, bacteria often from humans, that causes these water-borne illnesses.  The importance of clean water is of concern to every culture on the planet, including the industrialized nations who often have aging or out-of-date water filtration and distribution channels.

 

The Ancient Babylonia culture believed that once every twelve hundred years the gods became angry due to human overpopulation.  In an effort to control the number of people the planet could sustain, the gods were thought to send plagues and famine.  The deity known as Enlil offered advice to mankind to bribe the gods.  According to the Babylonian flood myth, Enlil finally, the third time, choses the human Atrahasis to live.  He instructed Atrahasis to build an ark to house his family, some cattle and wild birds.  The ark was tossed back and forth on the flood waters by the storm god Adad but, after seven days, the other gods relented.  Atrahasis made an offering to the gods and Enlil created barren women and stillborn babies to solve the overpopulation problem.

Enlil was also a deity in the Assyrian culture.  In the Assyrian myth, it is the man Utnapishtim who is warned of the impending flood by the deity Ea.  The boat built by Utnapishtim is described in great detail as being one acre in area with seven decks.  The boat was filled with the “seed of all living creatures’ as well as the family of Utnapishtim and the craftsmen who helped build his boat.  Legend has it the storm was so fierce that the gods themselves cried at the death and destruction it caused.  After six gays, the boat landed on the top of Nisur, a mountain.  Seven days later, Utnapishtim released first a dove and then a sparrow, both of which returned after finding no dry land upon which to land.  Finally, he released a raven which did not return.  Another sacrifice was made to the gods and Utnapishtim and his wife were given immortality.

 

It should be noted that the Chaldeans believed in another Babylonian flood myth, one that involved giants, two floods, and a mortal named Noa.   If that name sounds familiar, it should.  The Abrahamic faiths of Judaism, Islam, and Christianity have a similar flood myth as to those we have already discussed and there is a central figure known as Noah.

 

Why are there so many flood myths and why are they all so similar?  Is it a true testament to the belief that something often repeated must bear some degree of truth or is it simply that man and woman, regardless of the culture and age, are all remarkably similar?  Perhaps it is simply that water is what it is and there are very few ways to escape a raging flood. 

 

Most of these myths include one summit that remains dry.  One could claim that water eventually recedes so conceivably, the summit could have been flooded but then became dry land.  One could allow, as many of the myths do, for the changing of the minds of the deities who supposedly caused the flood waters.  A pure scientist might even launch into a discussion about the tides, gravity, etc. – all things which affect the water’s level, ebb, and flow.

 

In 2015 the following press release was made public:  “ARASOTA, Fla., Oct. 15, 2015 /PRNewswire/ — At any given time, almost half the population of the developing world suffers from waterborne diseases. About four billion cases of diarrhea disease occur each year, resulting in about one million deaths. An assessment by the United Nations reports that four out of 10 people in Africa and Asia do not have access to clean water. As a matter of fact, a report published in the medical journal The Lancet concluded that unsafe drinking water takes on a greater human toll than terrorism and war combined. Hepatitis A, typhoid and cholera are all caused by bacteria and are the most common diarrheal diseases. Other illnesses like dysentery are caused by parasites that live in water contaminated by animal or people feces.”

 

The press release speaks about a water bottle that contains a filtration system and floats.  It is the brainchild of a USA-based company that has been involved in water filtration systems for quite some time.  If people living in areas where their only water source is contaminated had access to such bottles, then many water-borne diseases like cholera could be reduced or greatly eliminated.  OF course, one would need access to the filters that fit inside the bottle and I saw nothing in the press release about the company sending them to undeveloped nations.

 

I do wonder just how clean the world was after these “cleansing floods”.  If you have ever lived in an area that was flooded, you know that clean is not how to describe the affected areas once the flood waters have receded.  As a child I loved swimming in rivers and lakes.  They also looked lovely and sparkled in the sunlight.  Wearing a white swimsuit, though, I quickly learned just how muddy the waters really were.

 

We fortunately have many warning systems and meteorological advancements to help advise us of impending floods.  What we often seemed flooded with in this modern, social media world, is a flood of opinions.  It seems that labeling something a “rant” gives one the right to be crude, rude, offensive – all those things the ancient deities hated about mankind and sought to cleanse with their floods.

 

As I write this, much of the south eastern United States is under a flood watch.  Parts of Maryland were deluged yesterday by floods.  Water can be the enemy as well as a necessity.  Tropical storm Alberto is approaching, reminding us that we must work together to survive life and nature.  

 

Maybe the thought for today is not about cleansing the world but ourselves.  In a time in which the world seems barren of compassion for those who are different than ourselves, maybe we need to make our anger stillborn.  What is a common theme amongst all these flood myths is that people worked together.  The arks in all these stories were not built by just one man but by a team.  Maybe the real key to avoiding a flood is to remember we are a team.  Life is, after all, a team effort.

From Broken to Beauty

From Broken to Beauty

May 23, 2018

Pentecost 2018

 

Often we encounter people who think we are “broken” because we are not exactly like them.  We are different.  No two people are ever exactly alike and yet, we tend to spend a great deal of our life trying to be like each other.  Whether you believe in the happenstance of creation or you believe it to be the orderly work of a deity, one thing is quite true.  Our world, our planet, our universe is quite diverse.  The world does not have just one type of flower or tree, one vegetable, one type of protein, etc. 

 

People tend to fear that which is different and so, in an effort to protect themselves, they treat those who are different as if they were broken.  They bully; they battle; they belittle; they hurt.  Those of us who are different are left feeling broken and worse – we become ashamed of who and what we are.

 

Some of the world’s most beautiful buildings are those with stained glass windows.  The stained glass window would be nothing if it had not started out as broken.  Each window is made up of hundreds of broken pieces of glass made beautiful by an artist.  The times in our lives when we feel broken are just setting the stage for the beauty of living that is to come.

 

During Pentecost this year we will delve into ways to fill the broken places in our lives.  We need to incorporate the Japanese art of Kintsugi into our lives. Rather than disguising the breakage, Kintsugi restores the broken item incorporating the damage into the aesthetic of the restored item, making it part of the object’s history.  A piece of plain pottery suddenly glistened as lacquer and gold dust would be used to fill the broken crevices.   Pottery pieces of Kintsugi were said to have such value that some purposefully broke their pottery so as to have the repair work add value.

 

The world can be a risky place and none of us escapes without bruises and scars.  We need to value these as mementoes of our survival.  Just like the Kintsugi pottery or the stained glass window, our brokenness is the palette for our true beauty to be revealed.

Death – May the Force Help You

Death – May the Force Help You

May 4th, 2018

 

Today, May 4th, is known as Star Wars Day, trading on the famous quote from the movies, “May the Force be with you”, today rephrased as “May the Fourth be with you”.  It is a humorous play on words and yet, it is a great saying to share with someone.  Inviting them to recognize and acknowledge the life forces within and around us as well as celebrating each day we are alive.

 

This blog has been silent for two weeks due to death and the forces surrounding it.  It has been my habit to be silent in times of terrorism and/or tragedies but these weeks have been fraught with national, international, and personal situations of death.  Someone told me it was a shame this was all happening during the Easter season and yet…. Easter itself is all about death.

 

“Death where is thy sting?  O grave, why is thy victory?”  It might very well be that the best time for death is during Easter because Easter is a story about victory over death and helps us overcome the pain and sting of losing someone.  Grief is inevitable and we need to honor the grieving process as the homage it is for the life that was lived and now has ceased.  All too often, we try to pretend all is well instead of allowing someone to mourn. 

 

In a world where very little is certain and where sorting truth from fiction has become an endless maze, death is the one certainty we have.  We may not know exactly when or how we will die and for many of our, it will be out of our control but we can be certain that at some point in time, we will die.  It is the culmination of being alive.

 

Dr. Steve Taylor wrote the following about our own mortality for Psychology Today four years ago:  “We all have to face it at some point; an event of such enormity that it can make everything else in our lives seem insignificant: death, the end of our existence; our departure from this world….We live in a culture that denies death. We’re taught that death is something we should shy away from, and try to forget about. If we start contemplating our own mortality – so this traditional wisdom goes – we’ll become anxious and depressed.”

 

Taylor maintains that a healthy relationship and conversation about death can actually do just the opposite.  Why do we fear death?  Taylor explains that “To a large extent, it depends on the intensity of the encounter with our mortality. Anxiety usually occurs when we’re passively aware of death, thinking about it in a vague way rather than actually facing up to it. There’s certainly an important difference between being aware of death as a concept and being confronted with the reality of it, and being forced to deal with it as an imminent prospect. When we face up to death actively and directly, there’s a chance that we’ll transcend anxiety and insecurity, and experience its transformational potential.”

 

Taylor continues:  “An attitude of acceptance is important too. If we resist death, fight against its inevitability, refuse to let go of our lives, and feel bitterness about all the things that we’re going to lose and leave behind – then we’re much less likely to experience the potentially positive effects.”

 

In other words, once we accept our own mortality, we can turn that acceptance into a force that will help us live fuller lives.  “Death is always present, and its transformational power is always accessible to us, so long as we’re courageous enough to face it. Becoming aware of our own mortality can be a liberating and awakening experience, which can – paradoxically, it might seem – encourage us to live authentically and fully for the first time.”

 

So on this day, as I attend yet another funeral and say goodbye to one more soul, I will use the force of my mortality to become stronger.  The celebration of the Easter season answers the question about victory over the grave.  The real victory is in living to the best of our ability with kindness and health towards all.

 

 

The Long Wait

The Long Wait

March 31, 2018

 

We “sprang ahead” three weeks ago and yet many are still waiting for spring-like temperatures.   For those celebrating the Easter weekend, today is Easter Even or Eve, known liturgically as the Great Easter Vigil, a time of waiting for the words of a man crucified to become true, waiting to see if he really could defeat death at its own game.  For those celebrating Passover, this is a period of eight days celebrating deliverance and freedom, something many in the Jewish faith are still waiting to become their reality.

 

It is always tricky to combine Easter and Passover.  Both are major holidays in two religions of the Abrahamic faith and yet, both represent times of trial and racial and religious discrimination.  We tend to gloss over the fact that the man known as Jesus of Nazareth was killed for being Jewish.  Many today try to combine the Passover Seder meal with the Christian Holy Week without acknowledging the guilt of the Roman Empire in carrying out the execution of someone simply for preaching the Jewish teachings.  Others simply sigh and continue their own great vigil in waiting for world peace.

 

David Maister, in his paper “The Psychology of Waiting Lines” believes that the actual length of time one waits has very little to do with how long the wait seems to be.  Maister lists eight factors that make our wait much longer than it really is. 

1. Unoccupied time feels longer than occupied time.  When you have something to distract yourself, time passes more quickly. This is why some hotels put mirrors by the elevators.  Many people like to look at themselves and this distracts them so they don’t realize how long they are waiting for the elevator.

2. People want to get started.  Restaurants give you a menu while you wait, and often doctors’ assistants will put you in the examination room twenty-five minutes before any exam actually begins.

3. Anxiety makes waits seem longer.  Perception determines our thinking.  If you think you’ve chosen the slowest line at the drugstore, or you’re worried about getting a seat on the plane, the wait will seem longer.

4. Uncertain waits are longer than known, finite waits.  People wait more calmly when they’re told, “The doctor will see you in thirty minutes” than when they’re told, “The doctor will see you soon.” Maister gives the illustration of a phenomenon that is very typical.  When we arrive someplace thirty minutes early, we wait with perfect patience because we know we got there early.  However, three minutes after the scheduled appointment time we begin to feel annoyed and wonder “Just how long am I going to have to wait?”

5. Unexplained waits are longer than explained waits.  Customers tend wait more patiently for the pizza guy when there’s a thunderstorm than when the sky is clear.

6. Unfair waits are longer than equitable waits.  People want their waits to be fair.  Crowded subway platforms are one example where there’s no clear, fair way to determine who gets on the next car. The “FIFO” rule (first in, first out) is a great rule, when it works. Often though certain people need attention more urgently, or certain people are more valuable customers. Then how long our wait is and how equitable who waits becomes uncertain and can be seen as being unfair.  

7. The more valuable the service, the longer the customer will wait.  As a general rule we will wait longer to talk to a doctor than to talk to a sales clerk. People will willingly stand in line longer to buy an iPad than to buy a toothbrush.

8. Solo waits feel longer than group waits.  The more people engage with each other, the less they notice the wait time. In fact, in some situations like buying a ticket or going through a security checkpoint, waiting in line is part of the experience.  The adage misery loves company certainly is true when we are waiting.

 

So can waiting ever be beneficial?  The spiritualist will answer a resounding yes and those in religion should as well.  Whether one’s deity is one of many or the single omnipotent deity of the Abrahamic faiths, the common factor is all is the essence of waiting and the lessons we gain.  Waiting is not something fate has put into the world to annoy us.  It can be the best thing we will ever experience.

 

Using the eight factor Maister lists, we can see valuable insights and lessons to be learned.  I am going to begin with number eight and work backwards.  Often taking an annoyance and turning it around is the key to gaining insight and growth.

 

8. Solo waits feel longer than group waits.  We all live on this planet together.  When we connect one with another, we are taking great strides towards world peace and a better living for everyone.  Kindness is the art of reaching out to others and when we connect we are showing benevolence and humanity to each other and to ourselves.

7. The more valuable the service, the longer the customer will wait.  Sometimes we find ourselves doing something simply because it is trendy or fashionable.  When we have to wait to do it, we have the opportunity to examine our motives and desires.  Waiting gives us the chance to question our faithfulness in being authentic to our goals and desires.

6. Unfair waits are longer than equitable waits.  Patience is often defines as being able to endure.  What really comes into play is our ego.  Are we too good to wait while another is being served?  Most of us would say no but do our actions really illustrate that if we become impatient?

5. Unexplained waits are longer than explained waits.  Self-control is discipline and sometimes it is harder to discipline ourselves than our children.  No one knows everything and we have no real knowledge of all the factors that might be affecting our wait.  Mastering ourselves is often the first step to not only peace in our own lives and community but success in our living.

4. Uncertain waits are longer than known, finite waits.  Trust – the one word that makes living so difficult.  It is hope and confidence, dependence and reliance, conviction and faith.  Waiting is often who we are put into action.

3. Anxiety makes waits seem longer.  Peace within will reflect peace in our actions.  How we overcome anxiety really speaks to who we are as a person, as a nation, as all of humankind. 

2. People want to get started.  Patience is required when one is waiting.  We often fail to realize that the wait might be our first step to the realization of our intentions. 

1. Unoccupied time feels longer than occupied time.  Joy can be found in each second.  Too often we are busy rushing from one place to another, one project to the next.  When we wait, we are given time to enjoy our world and our day.  Instead of counting the second, we need to count the smiles around us, the flowers in the window, and the sounds of life around us.

 

Those of the Jewish faith are still waiting to live completely in freedom without derision as are those of other faiths.  Many Christians have forgotten that the grace they seek is simply theirs for the praying.  As a world we have overlooked that the key to world peace is in our waiting upon each other with dignity and generosity, kindness and forbearance, honesty and respect.  The biggest vigil of all is waiting for each of us to explore the humanity within our souls and then live it.

Reflections

Reflections

March 17, 2018

 

Having recently had eye surgery I am reminded of a quote from Harper Lee about the value of reading:  “Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read.  One does not love breathing.”  Breathing is an essential part of our living.  Without it, we have no life.  Harper Lee was correct, though, because we often overlook it.  It is so much a part of our living that we forget its importance.  Self-worth is much the same way.  Until we love ourselves, we do not allow ourselves value.  Unless we first love ourselves, we have no true self-worth.

 

Joybell C. is an author, writer, and community developer. She also sits on the board of the Scientific Journal editorial board. A native of Baltimore, Maryland, she also is excellent at keeping the focus off of herself and very much on her work.  She is, I believe, a great example of someone who values herself and her work and knows the difference between the two.  “Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you.  What’s important to me is not others’ opinions of me, but what’s important to me is my opinion of myself.”

 

During the liturgical season of Lent we tend to go back to our roots, so to speak.  This series is about cultivating a better self, growing a better being.  One of the best writers on this subject is Shannon Adler.  Shannon Adler is not some great scholar or a cosmopolitan literaturist from a distant continent.  She is a regular woman with the same challenges in life we all face.  What is so great about her is her ability to make lemonade from life’s lemons.  She knows her self-worth and that gives her the courage to see beyond the hurdle and stay on track.

 

What I have described as self-worth, Adler would probably call dignity.  She has quite a few definitions for this:  “1. The moment you realize that the person you cared for has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you, but a headache.  2. The moment you realize God had greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or sad Pinterest quotes.  3. The moment you stop comparing yourself to others because it undermines your worth, education and your parent’s wisdom.  4. The moment you live your dreams, not because of what it will prove or get you, but because that is all you want to do. People’s opinions don’t matter.   5. The moment you realize that no one is your enemy, except yourself.  6. The moment you realize that you can have everything you want in life. However, it takes timing, the right heart, the right actions, the right passion and a willingness to risk it all. If it is not yours, it is because you really didn’t want it, need it or God prevented it.   7. The moment you realize the ghost of your ancestors stood between you and the person you loved. They really don’t want you mucking up the family line with someone that acts anything less than honorable.  8. The moment you realize that happiness was never about getting a person. They are only a helpmate towards achieving your life mission.  9. The moment you believe that love is not about losing or winning. It is just a few moments in time, followed by an eternity of situations to grow from.  10. The moment you realize that you were always the right person. Only ignorant people walk away from greatness.”

 

Self-worth is not something we can purchase, no matter how many times we try.  It is not the latest fashion or snazziest vehicle.  It is neither the biggest house nor the most friends on Facebook.  It is not even guaranteed if you repost that blurb on Facebook or Twitter or share your latest and best snaps on Instagram.  It is, as Adler says, “the moment you realize that you were always the right person”, that “happiness was never about getting a person”, and that “no one is your enemy, except yourself”.

 

What do you see when you look in the mirror?  I did not ask what do you think you should see but what DO you see?  I think selfies are so popular because we are striving to see ourselves from the eyes of another.  We seek to see what the objective eye of the camera sees.  Of course, we are interpreting that vision through our own eyes so it still is blurred but we continue to try, taking picture after picture.

 

I recently came across a picture of our family pet taken when said pet was just a tiny baby.  It was his first day with our family and the picture was taken at the pet store as we purchased the necessary items to become his caregivers.  “Goodness!” I thought.  “If I had known I looked like that, I never would have walked out of the house!”  Needless to say, I thought I looked less than desirable.  Yet, we had been approached by an animal rescue group, an international group, to adopt said pet.  Clearly, regardless how horrible I thought I looked, someone thought I looked caring and responsible.

 

Perception is everything when we view a reflection of ourselves.  “You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away.”  C. Joybell C. speaks a great truth in these statements.  “It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.”

 

Writer Elizabeth Gilbert makes an important point that we often forget:  “Never forget that, once upon a time, in an unguarded moment, you saw yourself as a friend.”  For most of us that time was when we were children.  Children have this undoubting talent for embracing life, embracing passion, and finding joy.  We need to tap into that part of ourselves we think we have outgrown and embrace it, reflecting a zest for life and ourselves.

 

“Let’s tell the truth to people. When people ask, ‘How are you?’ have the nerve sometimes to answer truthfully. You must know, however, that people will start avoiding you because, they, too, have knees that pain them and heads that hurt and they don’t want to know about yours. But think of it this way: If people avoid you, you will have more time to meditate and do fine research on a cure for whatever truly afflicts you.”  This advice, written by Maya Angelou in her “Letter to My Daughter”, is right on track but very hard to do.

 

Value yourself to live honestly and realize that if someone doesn’t share the value you bring to the world, you probably do not need them in your orbit.  Be yourself – honestly and joyously.  You have value.  You are worth having value.  Most importantly, in the words of Malcolm X, “We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.”